The ravings of a chick who is so over it

By Koren Sullivan

It felt so good to get my old-lady-style complaints off my chest in the last issue of The Beacon… You’d think I wouldn’t have anything else to rant about. Yet, somehow, there’s always more. So, this edition of GOML is geared toward summer, which is nearing quickly, if you can believe it. As we all know, summer is concert season. There are festivals up the wah-zoo happening all around the country. Right here in Maine there are all kinds of good shows to be had, too. But it’s come to my attention that the general public needs to get their collective act together before heading out for a night of music.
This is what’s up: I was recently at the Shakey Graves show at the State Theatre. Shakey’s show was solid. That guy plays the kick drum like nobody’s business, plus he’s pretty adorable. (teehee) But the cantankerous ole woman inside me began to rear her scary head nearly as soon as he took the stage. Here’s why:
1. You have a smartphone… You, presumably, really dig the dude on the stage…You want to take a quick picture to Instagram/Snapchat/Tweet/whatever… Fine. Take the damned picture and then PUT THE PHONE IN YOUR POCKET. Nobody behind you dropped $20 to watch the show via your two-inch smartphone screen, which happens to be blocking the view.
2. You snagged tickets to a show with the love of your life. Or hopefully, it’s at least someone whom you’re mildly interested. I’m elated for you– truly, I am. I love young love! Or old love! Any love at all! But if you want to sit in front of me, massaging your hipster/cowboy (I can’t tell) boyfriend’s head– running your fingers through his long, dark locks throughout the entire show– then maybe you guys ought to just head home and watch the DVD from the comfort of your own bedroom.
3. There’s a bar in the concert venue… You’re 21+… You want to have some drinks… Fine! Just don’t forget that you’re at an actual concert and that it’s not just a bar with live music! There’s nothing more annoying than buying a ticket to a show, only to have the artist come back out on stage for an encore– a nice, acoustic ballad that he wrote– only to have the dull roar of the crowd’s chit chat ruin the moment. I was both annoyed and embarrassed for us as an audience. I mean, this was not singing along to the music… This was the sound of being in a very loud bar where everyone’s trying to talk over the music. (I actually shushed someone during a show at the Bangor Waterfront last year for this exact same reason. Thankfully, it takes more than that to embarrass my husband, who was with me at the time.)
That’s all. When you’re jamming at Firefly or Bonaroo this summer, just try to remember these few things, wouldja? But don’t forget to dance!