By Jessica Spoto

Being told “you’re too fat” or “you let yourself go” or “you put about five pounds of cheese on that already cheesy mac-and-cheese” is never a worthy feeling. All these words fracture your confidence and pulverize it into dust. You know you are beautiful. You look in the mirror and say it straight to your face, but then again you also squeeze your stomach fat and tell yourself, “He doesn’t like this. He will never like this.”

Being told to go to the gym constantly and told that you are wasting that membership because you are not going at least once a day hurts. “You just think going to the personal trainer is just one big chore.” Yeah, it’s a chore when you are going for someone else, but you wouldn’t dare say that. “Sorry” is an everyday occurrence and guilt is etched into your mind.

You know this isn’t right. That gut feeling you instantly had when you met him, but so childishly pushed away, still lingers. One day your friend urges you to break up with him. You agree. You do, over text. You run back to him instantly, showing up at his apartment begging for him back. He won’t take you back unless, “I see that you are actually working on yourself. Going to the gym, eating better, losing weight.” “We will see what happens,” he says with a smug look plastered on his face.

Then after a couple days of barely eating and constant crying. You text him, “I don’t want to be with you.” He responses with an “ah okay.” You know you’re beautiful and worth it; somewhere inside of you, you know. So you trudge forward, let the positivity seep in and let the agonizing memories be left where they belong.