by Kia Pelletier

Giving up on you
feels worse than the empty house you left me in
even though I begged
for you to stay and waited for you to change
and tried to form shapes of pictures on the wall as I pass by
I still blame myself
for all the mistakes I let go.
I wanted to feel more
deserved and appreciated
something I thought I could find if I left to find myself
yet when I left
I didn’t feel the relief
I felt more alone
as the bed got colder
and my phone remaining on silent.
What if I left too soon
before we got the chance to fully bloom?
What if while I’m laying here
cold and alone
missing you
craving your touch
and thinking of our last moments in our house
I do not cross your mind at all?
What if I gave up too soon
for you to just give to another
while I wait
feeling so alone
feeling like I’m the monster
and it doesn’t feel
like the ending I wanted
I could chase after my sanity
and mix my tears with the pouring rain.
I will wait for you
but I do fear you’ll never come
I worry for your answer
and that you won’t have the same as mine
because I made you feel undeserved
and unappreciated
by giving up on you