In a new episode of This American Life, which aired on February 2, 2024, This American live the subject was all about questions. The guests, Tobin Low, Janelle Taylor, and Chris Benderev, talked about why certain questions are “traps.” One guest said, “What do you think of Beyoncé?” It was a question that I found myself trying to ask, basically, a lot on first dates”.

This makes sense: People are genuinely interested in other people. We engage in conversations all the time, and for the most part, the conversations don’t really mean anything. But what if people’s questions mean more than just questions? This was the premise of the NPR conversation. The kind of questions that leave open to judgment or are a trap are the ones that people use to learn more about someone without them knowing. These are the kinds of questions that can be used to reveal someone’s character.

For example, here are two questions that were discussed:

Question number 1-  What do you think about this?

These kinds of questions genuinely don’t have a right or a wrong answer. However, the question is so personal and open to interpretation that it can cause warm feelings, then good feelings, to the person who is asking the question. If it’s what I think about a subject or a particular person, for example, what do you think about the big orange man, aka Donald Trump? Well, depending on where you are in Maine and who you are talking with, this question can be either good or bad. People have hard feelings about political views, regardless of your answer. If you and the person are asking the person who doesn’t have the same point of view, it can cause a conflict. 

Question number 2- How old are you?

As I enter my young adult life, I find myself thinking about this question lately, where telling people about how old I am seems wrong. I think people are too attached to their ages. It seems to me that either don’t feel good about being old or don’t feel good about being too young, and the people in their just waiting to fall into one of those categories. I remember at the beginning of this year, I talked with a girl and I asked for her number. She looked at me and asked me how old I was. I answered, and she said, “ I can give you my Instagram.” I said yes, I grabbed her Instagram, and she never texted me back.

How many times have you started a conversation just for the sake of being nice —like elevator talk —when you don’t really want to? But if the other person starts talking, you have to answer. Or how many times have you started a conversation to obtain information about the person or something, without them realizing it? What do you think about this? And how old are you? Both of the questions are small talk and informational. If you are the one starting the small or trying to take information from people, do it smoothly, and if someone is trying to take information from you, just notice the signs.