Beatrice Talmage

It is often said that we are our own worst enemy, wouldn’t you agree? How many times have you said to yourself “What have I done?” Or, “I made that so much harder for myself!” In retrospect, It’s pretty easy to look at the way you’ve handled a situation, and beat yourself up about it. No one is a worse critic than their own self.

There are countless ways to imagine the what-ifs, could-haves, and should-haves. And while it’s one thing to beat ourselves up, it’s even worse when someone else contributes to the madness. It’s frustrating when you find yourself in a challenging position, but even more so when you’re alienated by those who don’t understand what it feels like in your shoes. Advice can be helpful, but it can be harmful, too.

Comments, even those with the best of intentions, can be minimizing of the very struggles that put people in their predicament in the first place. It is so easy for an outsider to state simple facts, but never consider that what may seem easy for one person, is painfully difficult for someone else.

When someone is sexually assaulted, and suffers in silence, many people seem to say, “Why didn’t he/she go to the police?” They make it sound so simple. Yet, they ignore the trauma, humiliation, fear, and confusion, among a plethora of other factors that prevent most victims from reporting rape.

When a student gets a bad grade on a test, and the teacher asks them, “Why didn’t you study?” They make it sound so simple. Yet, they don’t always account for variables like a stressful home-lives, illnesses, emergencies, or learning disabilities.

When you have an argument with your significant other, and they say, “Why didn’t you just explain to me that you were upset?” They make it sound so simple. Yet, at the time, there were so many reasons why you couldn’t open up and state your frustrations.

When someone says “Cheer up,” and you’ve been battling depression for a lifetime, you scream inside, thinking, “My goodness, thank you Sherlock Holmes, great idea! I’ll be sure to look for that simple switch. Here I am in this tunnel, looking for the light at the end, and you’re telling me there is actually a light SWITCH? Bless your soul!”

Case in point: the answer is rarely as simple as an outsider can make it seem. Many people are torturing themselves inside, asking, “Why can’t I just do what everyone says? Why can’t it just be so simple, like people tell me?”

I can assure you, they wish it were that simple, too.

Just remember that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, so give people the benefit of the doubt. If certain actions really were so easy and simple for someone to carry out, they would have. Not a single soul has ever benefitted from an “I told you so.”