Jessica Spoto

Hipsters in Portland who are they? What are they? What clothing do they wear to emulate their magical anti conforming powers? Hipster are these anti everything mainstream little creatures in a human form. They roam around downtown Portland in their tight black and brown skinny jeans with floral combat boots and mixed colored hair. From purples to reds to blues to greens these colorful hairstyles give them a magical power of not being mainstream but all hipsters have this so ironically they are all mainstream little humans who conform to not conform.

If you tell a hipster they are a hipster they get very angry and out of control. They flail their skinny little arms in their black fake leather jacket while yelling I do not conform to the hipster community while they are actually conforming to the hipster community!  You can find hipsters like a bee to honey at all the record stores in downtown Portland. They love to listen to music like alternative little bands who have no meaning and mean no words but they listen to fuel their hipster abilities to brag and complain about the next album that will probably never come out.

They only like coffee from little coffee shops called Starbucks! They go into Starbucks sit at the tiniest tables, pull out their macs and start to write fan fiction and poetry, while pretending to like there moca moca swirl with a shot of extra extra blah blah whatever coffee!

If you see this creature in downtown Portland and have the displeasure of talking to them please give them a peace offering of not agreeing with anything they say so they think they are not conforming to the injustice of society that they rebel against. These hipster are dangerous monsters. So watch out and please don’t conform to their hipstery ways!