Arts & Culture

Are you coming home tonight?

by Jessilyn Rich

Are you coming home tonight?
My minds too heavy to go home
Will you drive up the drive and be a new man?
I can hardly recognize myself anymore
Will you drive up and be you again?
I don’t even know the person I was before
Will your breath smell of peppermint when you kiss me?
I remember how much you love candy canes
Or will your breath smell of whiskey and gin?
I eat them to hide the smell of the liquor on my breath
Will you kiss me at all?
I know you don’t want to kiss me when I’m like this
Do you even still love me?
How could you love me when I’m like this?
Will you kiss me good night or just walk past?
I can’t even look you in the eye when I am like this
Do you still blame me for what happened?
Do you still blame me for what happened?
Are you still mad?
I still blame myself
Will you sleep next to me in bed or hide in your den?
I am trying to hide from the memories
Why do we keep pretending this isn’t how things are?
I keep trying to pretend that I am okay
Will you even come home at all?
I don’t want to come home tonight
Will tonight be the night they call me?
I want to disappear into the night
Will they call to tell me they found you dead?
The world would be better off without me
Do you know that to them you’re just another body?
You would be better off without me
Do you know that to us you are the world?
You deserve better than the sorry man I am
Do you know somebody out there loves you?
Why do you even love me?
Where do you go in those hours?
I spend hours alone in my truck wondering why
What fills your mind when you don’t come home?
It’s all my fault, you are better off alone
What bleeds from your heart when you just keep driving past our house?
I try to come home but just keep driving by
What do you think I tell our kids when your chair remains empty at dinner?
I wish I could be someone our children could be proud of
Do you think about us at all?
I hope someday they will forget me
Do you see you aren’t the only one hurting?
I hope someday they can forget the hurt I cause
Can you tell we are broken too?
I hope someday you can forgive me
Do you know who broke us?
I wish I was a better man
Do you know there was nothing I could have done?
I wish things were different
Do you still blame me?
It was all my fault
Is there another woman, please tell me, is there?
You are the only woman I have ever loved
Do you know that would be easier to swallow than the truth?
The truth is your better off without me
Do you know that we still love you?
But I will always love you
Can you tell we still love you, despite the man you have become?
You deserve so much better than me
Do you see me rubbing my wedding band when you scream in my face?
I want you to leave and find someone who can take care of you better.
Do you see our children run from you not to you?
Our children deserve a better father
Did you see my heart break the first time you hit me?
A man who doesn’t hit their mother
Could you tell I was looking into the eyes of a stranger?
I can’t even recognize myself anymore
Can you come back to us?
I’m so lost, I can’t find my way home
Can you find the person you once were?
I don’t want to be like this anymore
Do you know I am tired of sleeping alone?
I am tired of sleeping alone
Are you ever coming home?
I just want to come home

Categories: Arts & Culture

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