by Krista Nadeau
After the second date, a dozen red roses were delivered to my house. How ungrateful that after the initial flattery and recognizing the beauty of the roses, my next thought was, “What a waste of money.” I have always been more practical and besides if you were to give me flowers, they should be wildflowers picked by the roadside. Spoiler alert: I’ve been married to this person for more than two decades.
Turns out, it really wasn’t about being ungrateful for gifts. There are five languages of love expression and love means different things to different people. The Five Languages of Love, a book written by Gary Chapman, PhD., explains five unique styles of expressing and receiving love.
The book goes into detail about the five languages of love or a quiz can be taken online for those who are curious about their love language style. Following are the five love language styles, how to communicate, and actions to take for expressing that language:
1. Words of affirmation- encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathize, listen actively. Actions to take: send an unexpected note, encourage often.
2. Physical touch (self-explanatory)- this love language is nonverbal and is communicated by physical touching. Actions to take: make physical affection and intimacy a priority.
3. Receiving gifts- be thoughtful, make your partner a priority. Actions to take: give thoughtful gifts and gestures.
4. Quality time- uninterrupted and focused time with your partner. Actions to take: create special moments that are shared one on one.
5. Acts of service- actions speak louder than words, be a helper. Actions to take: work together, do things to alleviate their workload.
According to Chapman, the most common primary love language is words of affirmation. Following is the breakdown of the five languages of love in order of preference: twenty-three percent of people prefer words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service tied at twenty percent, eighteen percent prefer physical touch and eighteen percent like receiving gifts.
Most will see parts of all the styles of love in themselves, but one typically resonates more. “Discovering yours and your partner’s primary love language and speaking that language regularly may create a better understanding of each other’s needs and support each other’s growth.”