By Thomas Eng
I went to the Seawolves Cafe to get my favorite breakfast, a scrambled egg with ham and cheese on a bagel, but when I placed my order I might as well have been slapped in the face. The girl behind the counter said that they don’t serve scrambled eggs anymore. I couldn’t believe my ears. What kind of tyrants won’t allow a simple scrambled egg!
I tried to keep my cool and asked what any rational person would ask. Why not? I was met with another slap in the face when she said scrambled eggs take up too much space on the griddle. It was 9:30 on a Thursday morning, half of the campus wasn’t even awake yet and the griddle was empty. Surely I could have a scrambled egg.
I brought this up to her and yet again I was slapped in the face. I was told that it wasn’t up to her, and if it was I could have my scrambled egg and eat it too. At this point, I was shaking with rage. Not only could I not have my favorite breakfast, but I couldn’t yell at this cashier either.
Growing up, I was taught that the only way to fight tyranny was through nonviolent protest, so this message goes out to all my fellow scrambled-egg lovers: I will be refusing to purchase any sort of egg from the Seawolves Cafe until I can get a scrambled egg on a bagel, and I implore you all to do the same. Separate we are weak, but together we are stronger than any tyrannical force. Together, we can get our scrambled eggs back. So, all my fluffy-egg-loving friends, take to the streets in protest and take to social media with the hashtag #scramblemyeggs.
There will be opposition. There are fried-egg lovers on this very campus that will do everything they can to suppress our voices. These evil dictators of the breakfast landscape want to shut us up and make us submit to a lesser egg preparation, but together, we are strong. Together, we are righteous. Together, we will stand strong, and be free to eat whatever egg we choose! Don’t stand for this injustice; make your voice heard.